Ouch!

Is it true that your whole life runs through your head when you are about to die? I have been experiencing that in the last few weeks.

Random memories flash through my head, completely unrelated, completely helpless. At work, while traveling, while eating, while watching tv, while sleeping, while waking up, while doing anything. They are just haunting me so much.

There is that horrible memory of walking through an empty road at 3am in the night with my cousin. That was a horrible night.

Then heart broken that winter. Sitting in that class, feeling a pain I had never in my life before. I thought that time wouldn't pass. And now I find it hard to recollect it at times.

Go a little forward. Staring at those empty fields in Bhutan in the morning I am leaving after 10 days of sulking. Those could have been really special 10 days. But I wasted them. Realizing that morning of how wonderful it was there.

Go back many years into a classroom. I slapped a guy and his glasses flew off. And we became friends. Why that memory?

Go back many years again. Bionic... bionic six.... Can I please go there? Lemme be there again please.

Go forward into the present just 2 years back. That wonderful day at Kovalam Beach. That was a really wonderful day. The lighthouse, the wind, the soft rain, friends.

All those memories. I am not them. They are not me. I couldn't be them. They wouldn't wanna be me. I finally deduced the exact point in time I want to return to. Its start of 1993. I wanna start from there. I am 9, and with immense hope. I am thinking I am special in life. I am gonna be someone wonderful. Not this worn down loser.

I saw you were sick
And tired of my wrong turns
If you only knew the way I feel
I'd really love to tell you

But I can never find the words to say and I don't know why
I can't find the words to say and I don't know why