Friday, March 13, 2009

Ipso Facto.....You Know I Am Shallow.......

Its one of those very pathetic nights where I have daringly wandered to my blog. My deserted outpost... I can never read what I have written.... Doesn't seem right. Probably this blog isn't read anyhow.

It's almost been an year in this job. It's been an year since things started to change (for good or worse time will tell). I feel very bad tonight. I am becoming this aloof selfish guy who is terribly disappointing himself. Plus I am still no good at running my life.

Office has just become another hideout place, where time must be spent doing trivial things which have no higher purpose in life. I probably need to go the office more than the office needs me to come. I wouldn't have and I don't have anything else in my life. It's just become this stupid short term goal in life, to fix defects, to do rollouts, to do datafixes, to do every inconsequential thing in the world.

I can't feel anything inside. I come to this room and just sleep. When I am here, I feel like running back to delhi. When I am at delhi, I feel like running out of there. I don't have anything to talk about with anyone. It's like I don't belong anywhere. It wouldn't matter where I am. A purposeless life is a terrible sin. But then I don't have the drive or energy or skills to find a higher purpose in life.

If I get this early confirmation, which I should, then it would make my life tougher. I would find it harder to get out of this project. But then I would want to get it to showoff. Thats all. It doesn't mean anything more to me. I would wanna smash it on a few people's faces. But I don't know if I will escape to some place else, maybe abroad. But knowing me, it would hardly make a difference where I lived.

Stone Roses.... I feel like listening to a lot of music tonight. Its just one of those nights that make me realise how shallow I am.

A very wasted shallow life..... God spare my soul for wasting it.....


Down down, you bring me down
I hear you knocking at my door and I cant sleep at night
Your face, it has no place
No room for you inside my house I need to be alone