Book Review : The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

bu Douglas Adams)
Have you ever had sleepless nights wondering whatever happened to all the ballpoint pens you had bought in the last few years. Well wait no more, cause this book brings you a quaint little theory on the matter. And even if didn't think about that, you ought to now.

This book doesn't need a review from me, but I am going to do it anyhow. It's funny how when you're not looking for something, you actually end up finding it. This is probably the most insanely funny book you would ever come across. And not just stupid humour, wittiest humour at its best. And that's what the book is essentially about. There is a plot, but that is not the main attraction of the story. There are some mind bogglingly lovable characters, some strange yet amazing new FACTS to emerge and of course the occasional hitchhikers guide on the way. In fact if you've ever wondered - why are we born? Why do we die? And why do we spend so much time in between wearing digital watches? then this is the book to read. Of course if you never wonder about anything then you're better off without reading this book, cause it may damage your brain cells.

The plot of the story is fairly simple enough for you to roll all over the ground. But the best thing about this book is the characters and the narration. So, lets take'em all one at a time.

Arthur Dent is the main earthling in question. On a thursday morning, on the third planet from the sun, his house is to be demolished to make way for a bypass. But as fate would have, that same thursday, the third planet from the sun was also to be demolished to make way for a hyperspatial expressway. Arthur turned out to be the only earthling to escape earth, besides Trillian ofcourse, who escaped much before the plot begins. When he finally realised that Earth was gone, he took the loss of his parents and sister nicely, but the loss of Nelson's Column and McDonalds was too much to bear and he passes out. But he's pretty smart for an average earthling.

Ford Prefect is an alien (ofcourse!!), and he is from around Betelguese, and has been stuck on earth for the last 15 years. He is a roving researcher for the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which guarantees an impverished hitchhiker to see the marvels of the universe in less than thirty Altairian dollars. Ford doesnt get sarcasm, and he's pretty straight faced. But he is a good hitchhiker and knows the universe well. He is also a semi-cousin of Zaphod Beeblebrox. He tries valiantly to convince a vogon space guard not to throw them off the space ship and even teaches him Beethoven's fifth - da da da dum!!

Zaphod Beeblebrox is the current president of the Imperial Galactic Government, with absolutely no power. He also happens to be an adventurer, ex-hippie, good timer and a lot more. He also happens to have three hands and two heads. Zaphod's got style, and though he does have brains, he uses them rather sparingly. Zaphod steals the newest ship in the universe - the infinity drive powered, the Heart of Gold. And though is unaware of his purpose of stealing the ship at first, he is actually subconciously aware of the whole thing, which is actually not known to him or us. Trillian is often quite annoyed by Zaphod not bothering to think, and wanting someone else to do the job for him.

Trillian or Tricia McMillan, also happens to be from planet Earth. Actually at a flat in Islington, Arthur Dent was trying to get along with her and failing miserably, and Zaphod gate-crashed that same very party, and wooed away Trillian. And the two of them meet again, but in space, and only by a very very miniscule probability, the actual number of which also happened to be the telephone number of that Islington flat. Are our lives governed by telephone numbers or what!! She is fairly intelligent and beautiful, quite unlike Earthlings I suppose.

Ok, whats worse than a clinically, maniacally, irritably depressed and contemptous person? A clinically, maniacally, irritably depressed and contemptous robot. Yes thats Marvin, and a lot more too actually. He is definitely my favourite character of the book. Marvin is introduced into the story, when aboard the Heart of Gold Trillian asks him to bring the two aliens - Ford and Arthur to the bridge, to which the robot replies - I won't enjoy it!! Yes, everyone is quite flustered with him and his sensitivities. But he is quite cute really, and in the end he is the unlikely hero when after explaining his view on the universe, the enemy ship commits suicide!

There are lots of other minor characters in the story like Slartibartfast - the old planet developer who lives on the legendary planet Magrathea. He did design Norway on the original Earth. There is Prostenic Vogon Jeltz, the captain of the Vogon ship that destroy's Earth. He tortures Arthur and Ford with Vogon poetry, which is the third worst in the universe. And Deep Thought, the "second-best" computer who comes up with the answer to life, universe and everything as 42. His suggestion to the answer seekers is to find the right question first. There is Benjy and Franky mouse, two of the mice researchers on Earth, searching for the ultimate question. They escaped Earth along with Trillian and manipulated her to reach Magrathea. But the star minor character has to be Veet Voojagig, the quiet young academically brilliant student at the university of Maximegalon, who one night after drinking Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters with Zaphod becomes obsessed with the problem of what happened to all the ball point pens he had lost in the last few years. To listen to his theory you gotta read the book.

The whole book is filled with memorable lines. Some of the best, I am quoting right here :

"On this particular thursday, something was moving quietly through the ionosphere many miles above the surface of the planet; several somethings in fact, several dozen huge yellow chunky slablike somethings..."

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way as bricks don't."

"He had found a NutriMatic machine which had provided him with a plastic cup filled with a liquid that was almost, but not quite entirely unlike tea."

"Er...., said the guard, er....er.....I dunno. I think I just sort of.... do it really. My aunt said that spaceship guard was a good career for a young Vogon, you know the uniform, the low-slung stun ray, the mindless tedium..."

"Sorry did I say something wrong? said Marvin, dragging himself on regardless. Pardon me for breathing which I never do so I don't know why I bother to say it, oh God, I'm so depressed. Here's another one of those self-satisfied doors. Life! Don't talk to me about life."


So, all in all you gotta read this book. Cause your life would'nt make nonsense without it. I would give it a 4.9 outta 5 anyday. ANd 0.1 docked only cos I wish it was longer than what it was. So, get hitchhiker's and p.s. - don't forget to bring a towel!!

Book Review : A Painted House

(by John Grisham)
Even when the book ended I never found out whether uncle Ricky returned from Korea or not. This book doesnt really have a fairy tale happy ending, but such a practical one, and that says a lot about this book, a simple story told with great purpose through the eyes of a seven year old. The world the seven year potrayed might have been completely different from another person's vision. I think its after a long time that I have really loved a book.

The first couple of pages were confusing for me getting so many names at first. But then the scene settled in, and you could see the unpainted house, the cotton fields, and the whole family too. Its a simple farm tale set in rural Arkansas, and the narrator of the story is 7 year old Luke Chandler. And his amazing vision makes the whole story so captivating. And you fall in love with all the characters. The always grumbling and annoyed grandfather. A granny who is always eager to play doctor and test out stuff on anyone. A silent father who is a dutiful family man. And a mother who wants to escape the farms, but didnt make much fuss about it. And ofcourse Ricky Chandler, the nineteen year old uncle of Luke, who makes no appearance in the book, but is mentioned so many times, you just wonder will he be the surprise hero at the end of the book, but thats not to be.

They are cotton farmers, living in a unpainted house, and farming on rented land, and each year they are getting under debt cos of crop failures of floods. This year the crop is good, and they find labour in mexicans and the hill family. Luke wants to grow up and be a baseball player and play for the Cardinals. He is just seven but even he has to work in the farms, and pick cotton. The floods would be arriving soon, and they have to pick off cotton before the weather ruins the crops. The hill family have 5 kids, and the eldest Hank, taunts him that their house isnt even painted. Luke is hurt, but doesnt really set about painting the house. He is saving money for the cardinals jacket. But two other kids of that family are secretly painting their house. And then Luke is faced with many secrets which he has to withhold with himself for sometime. And his curiosity leads him to witnessing the murder of Hank. But that part isnt over played in the story and that was impressive. He keeps it with himself cos the murderer - a mexican labourer - Cowboy, threatens him.

And then Tally, Hank's sister, runs off with Cowboy. And then their remanining crops are destroyed by rain and hail. Luke in a way grows up and uses the money he has been saving for the Cardinal's Jacket, for buying paint for the house. And Luke's father decides that they have to leave for a job up north, leaving Pappy and Gran. That was such a sad moment to see Pappy drive them down to the bus station. And the books ends with the three sitting in the bus, and Luke viewing outside the window.

In between all this was so much more. Normal family chit chat and stuff which was very interesting. Their visits to Black Oak, the nearby town, the illegitimate child of Ricky being born at the Latchers, the friendship of Tally and Luke and ofcourse the letters of Ricky. It was all interesting. The way a seven year old child would think makes the story more interesting. Some sample lines of his thought

"Reverand Akers, a loud and angry man, who spent much of his time conjuring up new sins."

"Yes, and they were all bigger than luke - my mother said, and the legend began to grown. The size of my three attackers would increase as the days and months went by."

"As we entered the garden, I realized what my mother was doing. If we hurried and made it to the Latchers before quitting time, then the parents and all those kids would be in the fields. Libby, if she was in fact pregnant, would be hanging around the house, most likely alone. She would have no choice but to come out and accept our vegetables. We could blindside her, and nail her with Christian goodness while her protectors were away. It was a brilliant plan."

Luke's a pretty intelligent kid. And his trail of thought is funny and honest. The whole story kinda reminded me of my childhood. I didnt have a rural childhood but we used to sleep up on the roof in summer, fighting, flashing torchlights, and watching stars till we slept. And point out at strange things in the sky at night. And my trail of thought was always pretty inquisitive as well.

About the ending, the fairy tale ending would have been that Ricky came back from the war bringing in loads of cash, meaning no one had to leave and the family united. But things are seldom that way in real life. Though our throat constricts in the end, when they are having their last breakfast at their home, and then Gran sitting on the front steps wiping her tears. And then even an otherwise unflappable Pappy had moisture in his eyes when he pinched Luke's cheeks and said goodbye. That paragraph brought back some memories of my grandfather I guess. As Luke watched that tractor go back to the farm, what was he thinking? I would have thought about what Pappy was gonna do when he reached back to his home, it would be empty without those three. I almost made me cry. Why does life have to be that way? But, isnt that what I intend to do, I intend to go away to discover a life for myself too. And thats the way it is, and though we would love to see them live together, and Ricky return, but thats not how it is. And the grin on her mother's face in the bus probably shows that she has no intention of going back.

Its such an honest and sincere book and I loved it a lot. I am gonna give it 4.5 out of 5....

Book Review : They Are All Around Us

(by Ray Chavez)


Firstly, I couldnt even find the picture of the cover of this book online. And there was only one page that came out of all my searches that mentioned this book. So I am guessing not many would have read this. And I had to take the picture of the cover myself. I bought this book from the second hand book market in Daryaganj, mainly cos the words of the back seemed like my friend Avi was saying them aloud - "She had seen them...Thet were here, all around us. Their Plan was simple, but nobody would believe it." So I decided to find out what it was about. Plus it was only 220 pages.

So what is this book about. It's a strange book really. I have mixed feelings about it. The first chapter is pretty good, and you sense like some really amazing plot is headed your way. But then, it seems to fall away and you feel you are watching some B-Grade sci-fi movie about aliens. So the plot goes like this - old woman with a grand daughter, who is hearing weird noises and seeing weird things at night. Some kind of strange activity going on "ACROSS THE STREET". Grand daughter wont believe, thinks her Gramps has lost it. Drives over to boyfriend's house at night to tell him this. And oh yeah, in between all this, the world is seemingly heading towards anarchy. And fighting going on and possible nuclear war looming large. All this makes Ramona (grand-daughter) sad!! Awwww. So she goes over to bf's and they have a strange talk!! They talk about where the world is heading too!! Girl!! Your Granny is sick at home. Finally she leaves, but they encounters a mob attacking a cop, and she tries to save the cop. And then more police arrives, and some of the dialogue here is just outta this world. Anyhow, so finally she reaches home, and what happens after that is just outta this world too.

Lets see, I am still a bit confused but, it like this - Stairs Open!! And then she goes beneath her home, and then finds herself in corridors made by aliens, and finally in a Alien Conference Room!!! And all the aliens are in human bodies, so she gets a seat too. Their names are simple like U-1972, and the Y-X leader, and U-1037 and so on. And they are making PLANS to destroy all of mankind and that too without any weapons (some treaty). So she somehow escapes, and then returns back with her bf to show him all this. I Knew from the start that that scum was an alien!!! Anyhow, you folks wont discover that till late. So that is where the fun starts, they start telling the whole world that there are aliens amongst us. OOOOOOOOOO. What wud you say - Lady Go Home!! Exactly, so the next many pages, they are doing this publicity by various ways involving A.Distributing Pamphlets at red lights, B.Taking over a radio station, which seemingly is easily accessible, and so on. Finally the cops take them in. And guess what!! The Cops are aliens too!! And then comes the final shock!! Her best friend, her boy friend - Bernand, is an alien too. And in the end she dies after a scuffle with some aliens. And oh yeah, there is a mexican reporter in whose ARMS she dies. Dont look at me, I didnt write that. I am still confused too!! Was the reporter an alien too?? Beats me, if I could only get the email of this author. But its a book published in 1980.

So this is a book for the collection!! It had promise. I think the story I saw after the first chapter had lots of potential. But the whole aliens everywhere mess, got to me too. Its a simple story nevertheless, and could happen to anyone really. People wouldnt believe you too, if you saw aliens talking about destruction of planet earth. The funny part is, in the first chapter, there are atleast 3 characters who are named which have no further role - Jimmy, a football player who gets injured, Mary & Madge, discussing about bad cable reception. What was that all about, wasnt Jimmy suppose to do alien bashing??

Anyhow, part of this book can be seen in movies or other literature. THEY LIVE! a 1988 movie, is on somewhat the similar premise, and I am sure there are many more other movies which deal with this complicated subject in detail about how the aliens are taking over our jobs. And in the last words of Ramona - "To hate.... is...n.. not....to....love". Hey considering I am a crappy writer too, I think this is exactly the kind of stuff I am capable of producing too. So I give it 2 out of 5, for simply the laughs it provided.

Book Review : Digital Fortress

It's Dan Brown folks, what did you expect - Jules Verne!!! First of all when I first ever heard the title Digital Fortress, the image in my head somehow was of a fortress floating in the sky, with the ultimate technology protecting some "Holy" secret that could devastate the world. Kind of like the S.H.I.E.L.D. Base, if you are a Marvel fan. But unfortunately there is no such floating fortress. Though to be fair to the book, the title isn't misplaced.

So what's different in this Dan Brown book from his other books. First of all, he is just a novelist, and you just consider his genre before actually criticizing him. I think this book was written way before Da Vinci Code, because otherwise Leonardo DA Vinci would have paid us a visit in this book too. Yes, there is no religious conspiracy angle to the story. It's actually a pretty geeky story.

The plot revolves around basically two parties - M/s Susan Fletcher & Strathmore, and David Becker & the Spaniards. The first page features lines like - "Susan moaned Sensuously", and you wonder if you picked up the wrong book from the stand. There is this top secret US organisation called NSA (not to be confused with NASA) which is the big daddy of the Internet, and the story is based on internal staff bickering. Yes, its as simple as that. Disgruntled employees unleashing viruses, stealing data, and not following instructions. This could happen to any organisation, but this ofcourse is the NSA!! The other half of the story is a ring chase, which you can skip over at times. Half way through the story you realise Strathmore isn't as clean as he seems, the typical detective story unobvious villain. And the story is pretty weary in the second half, and you wonder when is this going to end. Not to forget the whole cast of NSA employees we are introduced to in the latter half, remembering the names of which was terribly hard for me, so I kept going back. But Dan Brown was really helpful too by having names like HULOHOT and JABBA. Oh come on, you forgot Jabba the Hutt, the fat slurpy wormy mafia boss from Star Wars!!

Anyhow, moving on, I have always wondered why Dan Brown is always so keen to tell everything. I always thought good writers are the ones that withhold stuff from the readers. Every now and then, the story would come to a standstill, with one of the characters having a brain snap, and a page of wikipedia would open before you, with all the facts. It's almost like he's tempting the readers to actually go and verify the facts themselves. Anyhow, so finally in the end a password needs to be found out and for once you are not stopping a bomb from exploding, just protecting the firewall from crashing, and data being stolen (told you geeky) and finally the world is saved, and girl gets guy, and blah blah blah, all is well. The end.

It's not actually the worst of books. It's a good book to read if you are travelling in a bus or train, or the inflight movie doesnt suit you. But otherwise if you are just in the house, then I say Hardy Boys make for a better detective read than this stuff. Oh and yeah, if you had to pick up one line from the book to remember it would have to be - Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes, or in english - Who will Guard the Guards. Pretty cool huh!! Yeah, way to go Dan Brown, I would give him 2 out of 5, not bad!!