It's Getting So Cold!

It's that time of the year again. Wishing season. I would like a few wishes too. Please.....

Did you die? There is no other way to tell if you are really alive?

I was re reading - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Snape's tale still made me feel really bad. I wish he got what he really wanted too.

I want a long holiday. I wanna quit my job and be unemployed for the winter. I would like to have old times back. I would like to have someone to talk to. These is so much nonsense that has been unsaid in the last few months. I wish I had someone to share all this nonsense.

For the first time since I left home, I feel like I should go back. I feel so tired....

There’s a heavy cloud inside my head,
I feel so tired put myself into bed
Well nothing ever happens, and I wonder..

I am trying hard, but I am just quite tired. Why does one have to work? Couldn't we do something we enjoyed more. Though what would that be? Damn, I just screwed up again. Regret, Regret, Regret. Too much of it to be carrying around. Monsters inside my head are just eating me up. I almost had an anxiety attack at work and I was so close to crying. This is not what I want to do!! This is not where I want to be!! Monsters inside were eating me up... It's not going to work out. Why doesn't a bus hit me.....

My father is leaving for Japan within 2 weeks. I wish I could just quit my job and go to Japan. I kinda understand the importance of money now. The necessary evil. It's funny how the passing of each year is making me more reclusive and closed down. I wouldn't have done or said the things I did last year.

I also somehow stupidly feel that I shouldn't have quit my last job. I was comfortable there. Winter would have lasted beautifully there among friends. I just so desperately wanted to quit from there. But why? I don't know now. It was a really stupid decision. I am scared of going to office once more. It's like that school changing thing all over again. Why did I have to do that to myself? If I ever get through this once more, please remind me never to do it again.

I feel like crying.... I want time to stop. I want time to rewind. I don't want tomorrow to come. I want to do so much in the past. I have been such an idiot. Why do we always realize things when we can't do anything about them? It's just a terrible arrangement to have. Please make necessary changes God. Or please give me 3 wishes. I promise I won't wish anything for myself..... After all its wishing season once more......