Slow Destruction of a Slow Moving Object

I was searching for the words - "Dead End" on google when I stumbled upon a page which was quite empty and yet these words were there on it which made me realise some things : -

"The End of the Internet
Congratulations! This is the last page.
Thank you for visiting the End of the Internet. There are no more links.

You must now turn off your computer and go do something productive."

Well yes the end of the internet. It's a net, with links, with each link you fall deeper into the rabbit hole, and where is the way out? Maybe some way out if one can find it. For those like me, it's a black hole, sucking away whats left of me, and its like those myriad creatures Pink Floyd talks about which are trying to tie us to the ground. While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistable pastime....

Why I am here? What am I looking for? What am I constantly searching? Who are the people here? I don't know why I am here....Where else would I rather be. I don't know...There is no where else to go I suppose. I havent been to too many places. Its like living a life in a bubble. And when the bubble bursts you dont have oxygen to breathe. I have always passed opportunities of living....And so no one else can be held responsible for that.

And in the end, its only round and round,and round....So what is here that we keep coming back for? It's not like anyone here would have a magic wand to solve your problems. And besides do you even know what your problem is? Its just a state of mind, its a just being dead. And the dead can only take people to the graveyard. Would you wanna take others to the graveyard with you??? Nooooo....I would wanna read a book maybe, but I dont have any. I feel so lethargic. I dont want to read a PDF book. I cant do that. I dont have the energy to do that. If someone could just give me the book - The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. When was the last time you read a book without stopping?? Ummmm maybe Frankenstein, or alchemist, or DA Vinci Code....It's been long....

We have exams to give, and maybe a life to live. I wanna learn the guitar someday. I wanna build a Kaleidoscope one day. I wanna have a pet turtle one day. Life's running out though. Do you have the energy to do that rather than just keep thinking abt it? I doubt it......The Silence is just growing on me, and you can see it too. I am just not doing anything, and hence I am not able to talk abt anything. Am I wasting my life? I am....

Joining orkut last year was probably one of the horriblest thing ever. Seeing all those bright lives jsut evoked feelings that I cannot possibly comprehend. Don't look into other people's albums, they have Quad Bikes in them, and happy smiling friends, and things that you possibly cannot understand. You wont understand, how is to be caught between two worlds and you belong to neither of them, and then you go nowhere, stuck right there in nowhere. I can't explain, you will not understand, this is not how I am....Have I become comfortably numb?

It was that Quad Bike Picture that triggered the deletion of my orkut profile. I am most certain of this fact. But why? I dont understand that....That's not a world a belong to anyhow. No, but it wasnt like jealousy, it was more like, what have I got to show for 23 years of life? Nothing? And what abt the world that I possibly could have been part of? Well that was my personal decision or rather lack of energy drive to be friends with people whom I knew, but somehow I would rather know from far away ....so its all my fault again, like always ....And then why do we seek something when you don't even want to keep it?? I don't know.....Keep erring kiddo...