Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Urban Lore of Luck & Life

(Caution : If you see a pattern in the following then do not assume that they have occurred to you immediately. They might have, they might not have, think abt it!)

1.Whenever you are waiting on the bus stop for a bus (what else!), and a jam packed bus comes, then if you somehow get on it then as soon as you buy the ticket, what you would see is another bus going to the same destination coming from behind which is relatively empty. However, if you do not enter into this jam packed bus, then you could spend the next half-hour waiting for an empty bus, but it won't show up.

2.Somehow, whenever you are waiting for a bus, the bus you want to board never seems to stop at the bus stop you are standing on, and when you board that bus, it seems to stop at every bus stop (stops sometimes without a bus stop). That's the On-the-bus-off-the-bus syndrome. Its somewhat similar to the relativity theory.

3.Whenever you think you've got everything under control in life, just then everything is going to get really out of control. And you would be left wondering why you even had that thought.

4.Whenever you think (night time is good for thinking) that a particular person has been really nice to you, or you have really good thoughts about a person and how he/she makes you smile, the following day or the week to come, that person will seriously challenge your opinions, and you would be ultimately forced to have a re-think. I think this law really makes me wonder that should we be forming opinions about people.

5.If you do some work right on the first attempt, people will always think it was easy. Somehow no matter how you made a complex work simple by using common sense, the boss would always seem to favour the person who made the simple work complex with his complete idiocy.

6.On days you would turn up before anyone else in the office, the boss would always arrive late. And on days when you turn up late, you would always find the boss waiting for you!!

7.Somehow people would'nt laugh at your jokes (no matter how good they r), and they would be laughing at pathetic jokes of other people, just cos they seem to have some face value!!

8.(This is not personal at all) Girls would somehow pick up guys on face value, no matter when they open their mouth, you immediately know that I would rather not be in their shoes :)

9.Somehow whenever you think you're gonna start studying seriously, something happens that detours your studying routine such as a family function, or something similar.

Life is grossly unfair, but no body ever said it was gonna be fair! And If I can remember more of such events I swear to keep updating this list!

Monday, July 30, 2007

The Storm in a Tiny Tea Cup



The Tiny Tea Cup peeked out of the cupboard to see if anyone was around. No one really, just the salt and pepper shakers. The other tea-cups were in the hands of the guests it seemed.

And suddenly the maid walked in with the silver tray with those beautiful floral teacups. Tim (the tiny tea cup), quietly closed the door of the cupboard, leaving it just slightly open, to watch them. And in that skulky corner of his he watched them all day long, talking about such fascinating things in the living room, and about people wearing such amazing clothes.

He had never seen the living room. When he was younger, he was told about all fascinating stories of the living room, and his only wish was that he would one day hold tea in him for guests in the living room. But for some reason he was never used. And his eagerness turned into hope, which had later turn into despair, and now he felt like his purpose of being of being a teacup was defeated.

"Oh, you're the most ugliest tea cups ever, why would they use you," a snobbish yet elegant tea cup had informed him last month. And it was true, undoubtedly. What use is an ugly tea-cup I suppose. Even salt shakers are better than that, atleast they serve some purpose. Caught between two worlds, neither of which he was a part of, the tiny tea cup wondered about things that one can wonder about. Now, the concept of a God for tea-cups hasnt quite taken off yet, so I don't think he would be wondering about that....

So one day, he decided that he would make it on his own, to the living room, and to see the splendours he had heard about. In the darkness of the night, he crept out of the cupboard, and slowly made his way down to the kitchen counter. How was he gonna make it across?? He had no clue........And so he decided to jump off the shelf, in hope that he would somehow not break entirely and still make it across......I really wonder what happened.......

Children Are Told Horrible Lies
Some Ugly Ducklings Never Fly

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Behind the Wheel!

The time had come to face my nightmares. I had dreaded this for weeks now. And last week when I dreamt about me driving a truck and smashing every possible car in the vicinity, I realised that I had Driving Phobia!

So I decided a week before that I needed to take the car out on my own. Lets go to class!! Well I thought that was an absurd idea too cos if I got stuck there then that would have been humiliating infront of 600 kids. Anyhow, I announced my plans 3 days back to my brother, who had been constantly pestering me to take it out on my own.

D-day arrived. And I was really anxious. Butterflies in the stomach. I asked my brother if he could escort the car, on his motorcycle to the class, which he expectedly refused. The previous night I had dreamt about leaving the keys in the car, adn locking myself out. That would really be amusing (not!).

So I asked him if he could atleast watch me take the car out of the parking, and if I felt nice till then I would go on, or else I would back off. And so we started. Not a good start, I grazed the bumper while taking it out of the packed parking. And then on my own we go. I was sweating.......oh yes I was.

And then we come to that dreaded slope that has to be overcome each time we have to go somewhere. And why does one have a red light on that slope. And why is it always red when I arrive there!! Some really cosmic secrets that cannot be discerned. Waiting waiting waiting...and its green....cars behind me honks....and I press the accelerator hard. Yayyyyyy, I didnt get stuck.....thats one obstacle out of the way.

And next up ITO. The Bus Junction.....another slope....not as steep though. But its a red light!!! I stop...and a motorcycle behind me....and the car is going back...and it nudges him a bit I think.....I glance back.....he is smiling somehow....maybe my kiddish face makes him smile....whatever!

At this time I realised that my whole shirt was drenched in sweat......Nervousness sweat.....And it almost seemed someone had poured water on me. And then I safely arrive at the class location....quite an isolated location this.....I had come half an hour early to avoid parking blushes. Yes! I find the best and easiest spot available. This would be easy to get out of too! And then I park and get out and thats that.

8.30pm....I am getting nervous again...Its almost time to go home. I have never driven at night before....atleast not side by side with BUSES! What have I got myself into? Shud I plead with someone to drive this machine home......

I ask my friend rajat, if I can drop him off till the bus stand....I warn him I am not a good driver....This would ease off my nerves...having someone in the cockpit! And yayyyyy I do really well....I back well and then I turn well....and then I drop him....and then I go steady and handle the buses well....and then we're almost home....

And this is where everything went wrong! I enter the parking area....its unusually crowded at this time....ofcourse it is, I arrived 20 minutes earlies....sir left the class early today!! Whatda... Ok ....lets go slow....and then it was CRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.... I hit something....multiple objects and scraped metal.....Its those autos lined up....diagonally....whatda....

Awwww! there goes my Order of the Merlin first class!!! I was sooo happy till then having made it safely home. And then I wasnt even able to park well. The parking attendant got frustrated with me. "Aapko Back leni nahi aati kya"

I am trying you moron. Ok finally I backed, not before I hit two cars, one from the front and one from the back. And the guy is making them look ok. I get off and assess the damage....at first everything seems fine.....and then!!!!! Oh!

The left fender (as I am informed today what its called), had been badly damaged.....wayda go kiddo! With sighs allround I walk back home.....Only 10 minutes ago I was sooooo happy! But thats life for you! But I think I did ok really.....atleast I didnt kill anyone!

But driving a car as one is a great responsibility...and me being scared is reflected in that. I owe it to other people on the road and ofcourse the car owner (my brother), and maybe to myself as well.....so its not bad to be scared....its actually quite ok to be apprehensive.....

Saturday, July 21, 2007

God, Universe and Whole Lot of Other Nonsense

(I wrote this long back when I was really angry at something, I don't really remember what it was about. But as life proves to be very circular, I ofter wonder if I had seen this tree before and so I dug out this little passage)

Life is a set of completely random events resulting from previous random events. Infact it is such a big chain of random events that it cant be traced to it's roots. The seed, yes, that is what God is.

Every One who has programmed would know that random functions need a seed value to be truly random. Such a seed value should be completely independent for the resultant program to be truly random. For example, time is a random factor.

So, infact if this theory is correct, the there must exist alternative universe for each seed value generated. There must be a universe formed every second or maybe even every millisecond. And it is in this seed value, that the existence of God can be perceived. That is, it is the seed value that would decide what the outcome would be at step 1 or step 100 or step 99999547. That is each step is predetermined once the seed value is determined. And therein lies the element which is populary termed as DESTINY.

If souls are stocked in heaven, I wonder how they are chosen to be sent down to earth at a particular moment. Is a particular inventory method followed, like First in First Out (FIFO) or is it based on some other criterion. Or is that random too.

God has no authority to judge us on the basis of our deeds. This is because if God judges us on the basis of our actions in this mortal realm, then it would be completely unfair, as we are merely participating in the chain of random events triggered long back, and events pre-decided, the course of which we cannot possibly alter as it would disrupt the existence of this very universe. Einstein remarked that - God doesnt play dice with the world. I guess he does, only that the casino is rigged.

Severus Snape - the unlikely hero

Harry Potter and the deathly hallows confirmed what everybody believed. Severus Snape was indeed innocent. I just wanted to read the whole story to find out the predecided fate of Snape. He had to die. There was no other way to the story. With no one to live for, snape's survival would have been tragic that his death.

The most touching chapter of the whole book was - The Prince's Tale. I almost felt like crying by the time severus cast that silver doe in dumbeldore's office.

“After all this time?” - (Dumbledore)
“Always,” said Snape.


Snape wasnt as blessed as James or Sirius was. That is not our choice you see. We are the result of a million random events that trigger million other random events and things are not often what they are made out to be. All snape had was a friend in Lily. He watched her as greedily as he had watched her in the playground. JKR uses the word greedily. But is it really greed? If you have sobbed silently in the shadowy nights hoping you would see a silver angel to rescue you from your darkness than you would realize that it isnt greed that attracts you to that silver angel.

He was jealous over her. Cos thats all he had. And he didnt want to lose her to James, who clearly fancied her. Energy Vampires!! Thats the syndrome. When you go into negativeness, you suck out all the positive energy around you and you hurt the people you like the most. There is no apparent cure for this syndrome I suppose. It just makes you feel low, and you isolate yourself into that shell of yours, watching from your shadowy corner - the beautiful lights of the worlds, greedily I suppose, and then it turns to disgust, anger, destruction, self-destruction, anguish. A HOWL!

Lupin isnt too different from snape. And I have remarked this more than once. It says in some point of the book when harry is looking at an old photograph of the 4 friends that Lupin seemed only too pleased to have been included in that photograph. Lupin had self doubts. I dont really know if this was ever said in the book (I havent found it) but in the 3rd Movie, there is a scene between Lupin and Harry where Lupin tells Harry that Lily was a wonderful person, and she could see Good things in others, which they were otherwise unable to see.

Lupin found friends. Had snape been shown a little more friendship, I think he would have honoured his friendship beyond any other. And that is clear with his friendship with albus. Lupin was the same. And it is for this precise reason that Lupin never had any ill-feelings towards snape when he came to teach in the 3rd Book.

Undoubteldy Sirius and James were on the right side, but snape was far braver than any of them. They never had to face the darkness snape had to face. To fight others is never easy, but to fight your own self is beyond imagination. And snape I believe did that. And did that beautifully.

And as for me, I should know better....

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Passed Something!

Well thats 4 exams of CA out of the way! Its just 4 to go! Thats a relief. If I wud have failed then that wud have pushed me back several months. And I wud have probably crashed big time in life. But it was all my fault. I gambled in the exams. Big time. Lady Luck helped me out again. She has bailed me out more than often. But whenever I have needed it the most, Lady Luck or God, has always helped me out. And that has always confirmed my belief in MY GOD. Well so many times I've challenged him at night, asking him for the winds of change, to show me his power. He is not tempted I suppose. Why wud he be? He knows best when he needs to intervene. I am grateful for this. Somehow today was a nice day. Not really nice, but I guess I didnt do to badly.

I have this theory on God that I had written long back, on a very rainy day, when I was really angry. I wasnt happy with the way his natural justice mechanism worked. I will post up that theory tomorrow maybe if I am not too tired after the 9 'O clock class. Somehow things over the past one month have made forget some bitter things over the past. And created new bitter memories. Not so bitter though I suppose. But humans disappoint me. I disappoint myself. I think I have shown really bad application towards life. And I owe myself an apology. But then is it to late to start over. It is somehow. You cant wake up and watch Lakshya and think u can turn around ur life. U cant!!

It's less than an year now!! I have to find my wings and flee! The winds of change are arriving, I need to be prepared, lest I shall be caught in a storm that shall encapsulate me and my entire existence! I just need to be prepared!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Tamed Dreams

I feel like sharing silence....Its an eerie feeling. I guess I have been bunking too much. Being at home, nothing to do! And even if your out there, even then the silence never really leaves me, unless I choose to. And its somehow funny that it would be with complete strangers that I would wish to part with it rather that people who are aware of my existence.

It been a very low time for me. You set up goals, you are unable to complete them. It's less than an year left for the inevitable. I have to grow up. Somehow. It's not easy, living in your own fantasy world, undisturbed, unaware. But how long can you stay there. I would like to live in my oblivion for ever. It's been so long, like I have been stuck in a time warp or something.

You wish you had someone to share silence with. Not talk! Cos everything I speak somehow comes wrong out of my mouth. You should understand me, when you understand me.....

Is it constricting me? Or is there no one inside anymore. I really fear its the latter. What if you lost your soul somewhere down the line.... And then? What do you do? How do you find it? How do you start your search? Not many people understand that a soul exists, and the trouble is that once you are aware of its existence then you cannot deny it. And if its not there, then STOP, everything goes black, and your actions are no longer governed by those dreams that your soul would choose. But rather by a system derived by this world that seeks to tame you down, to kill what is left of you inside and then to finally become a zombie. A zombie I refuse to be. And I refuse to have my dreams be tamed. But I need my soul to fight back. Because if you dont have a soul then there is no fighting back. SO please kiddo, don't lose your soul....As snape would say - NO UNFORGIVING CURSES POTTER....Keep your soul clean, and then whatever the end maybe, we'll take it fair and square...

I remember that german story I read....A guy has bad food to eat and he says thats a problem and curses, and then another guy walks upto him and says - If your house is burnt down, if all your family members are dead, if you havent eaten for 3 days then you have got trouble, everything else is inconvenience.....

We can't often change things in the past, and we have to accept our failures and the paths wrong or right taken by us, but whats done is done, and lets not let that decide our future course of action...Dont lose your soul....