Maybe We'll Find Better Days....

You know, writing this blog on the laptop is no fun. I just don't enjoy it. I like it here, in this room, sinking in this chair, and looking up to the monitor (which apparently has changed), listening to alternate rock, and at best in winter. I have some memories of many nights in the same setting. Winter of 2006-07 and 2007-08. Those were really creative times.

There was one night I heard - "Look What You've Done" more than 20 times non stop. And then was another for - "Stuck in a Moment". Some songs just seemed to last the whole night.

Friday was another day at office. Another day, another fight. I realized the futility and vanity of all that fighting. I want to things the quality way, maybe my quality way, which is sometimes not really quality either. So my idea of right is anyhow flawed. Which I might add is any idea of right. Nothing can ever be right a hundred percent. And maybe I just think too much and want to change too much at the same time. It's not a city building game, where you can demolish and build all over again. Somethings just can't be undone.

Are you such a dreamer to put the world to rights
I'd stay home forever wherever two and two always makes a five.

If you try to decide to put the world to rights, then maybe you were never meant to do that. It's like putting to motion an snowball, which rolls and then becomes gigantic, and you cannot foresee its effects. While you might say that all you did was roll a small snowball, it just became too huge for everyone down under. (But then I wonder if my not throwing a snowball could also have a similar impact?)

Random Thought : So, one day I was thinking, if I was allowed to meet one person in the whole world, dead or alive, ever lived, who would I like to meet? I thought and thought and thought. And I just couldn't come up with an answer. A musician? No, I like their music, but what would I say to them. A writer? Douglas Adams? No... what would I say to him? Then? Some scientist? Why would he wanna waste his time to meet me...

And thats when it struck me. I would like to meet a person, whose answer to this question would be me. Somebody who would really like to meet me. I don't think right now anyone in this whole world would really like to meet me. I don't think anybody in the whole world actually thinks or likes me at this moment. God! Thats really awful, but that's just me. Geez... the pressure of a wasted life....

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.