Lost soul or maybe no sleep or maybe something else

I dont feel sleepy at all...............I....Its 1:24am, I dont think I have been up this late for a long long time. I dont feel sleepy.

I wandered off somewhere wrong today....and was mislead for a moment....I have no clue what I am saying.

But I wanna say something but the words wont come out right. I am so tired, I wish I wud sleep and never ever wake up again......

I am falling and this fall is not breaking up, I need it to stop, I need to find a ledge. But there are no ledges, there are none. I have looked around and now I am tired. My brain tells me to stop looking for ledges.

I am so scared....its getting so dark and murky....oh my god......I am really scared. We all get one life and look what have I done!!! Oh my god! Am I to fall all eternity and watch everything go past me in flashes....beautiful these flashes are indeed but they are not mine.....I am losing my soul, maybe I dont even have one anymore. Oh those flashes they look beautiful, but.......

I want to stop or maybe I want it to end. Maybe both. Maybe none. Maybe something. Maybe nothing. I dont know what I want. And that is scary. Am I mad? I dont know. I try to say words but they are drying up, everything is drying up. Oh my god! I cant, I must, I have to! Noooooo!

Oh those beautiful flashes and what of me? Am I a flash to someone too? I dont know! As I cannot see beyond my perimeter. No I cant. I see darkness and I am losing everything. I dont have anything left. And it so scary. What am I worried of? I know the answer, but I cannot tell myself that. No! I cant! I am sorry.

Oh everything is not my fault! Or maybe it is. Everything should go well and I wanna be redeemed in this life, or maybe I will burn in the cauldrons of hell and maybe my soul will wander on this earth for as long as Cain.

If only I could tell myself what worries me. Oh its so much and yet so little. Shall I run off and be a coward or stand up and watch those flashes and be illusioned that I am being brave by opening my eyes. Oh those flashes!

I can write. And no one can take that away!

And I need to finish that letter one day but that hardly matters anymore and that wud be last on the list of my worries. Oh but those flashes. And does something flash from there too? Yes! Yes it does. And as the song plays - One way or another I am gonna find ya, I remember that day. And though its been time but those flashes keep reminding of a distant happiness that is just a flash.

Oh there is hardly any of that flash. Oh they are there in the distance. Oh god!!!